100 word challenge 20/3/18

One day there lived a small and adventurous girl named Britney. She lived in New York and was very happy there. One day she was strolling in the park with her mother. Her mother had to to go to the toilet and Britney was all alone. she was scared suddenly she heard a chilling scream she turned around and saw a small baby boy on top of a huge, snowy, cold mountain about four kilometres away.”how could he even get up there” said Britney. She was so scared she closed her eyes and screamed as soon as she opened her eyes she was on top of the mountain.

3 thoughts on “100 word challenge 20/3/18

  1. This is really good Adelaide!

    Maybe you should expand on your ideas and use commas (,) and other punctuation instead of just ending the sentence abruptly. You should also use paragraphs so the readers don’t get lost.

  2. Well done Adelaide! I would love to read more of your writing – please make sure you post regularly.
    One thing writers sometimes use in their writing is repetition. It can be used to emphasise something to help the reader realise it is important. Sometimes however, repetition can make a story seem a little boring. I wonder if you can think of a different phrase to use in your text rather than repeating “One day…”

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